Last Day of November
Today is the last day of November. I have been on a drunken stupor for the last two weeks. Not with alcohol or really good drugs now mind you, but with fluid on my ear. I was fine as long as I didn't stand up or walk around. I've missed work, Thanksgiving vacation and doing a lot of things I had planned but at least I'm still alive and today, much better.
I'm trying to decide if I can go to work tomorrow or not. I'm sort of thinking not. I am still having a few spells occasionally. I am way behind on all the normal things I really need to do, like get groceries, cook some meals, dust the place, just walk outside and see what my yard looks like in the fall.
I'm one of those people who plans everything, organizes, and I have a habit of trying to cram way too much into one day. My Dad used to tell me not to try to live my whole life in one day...but I have to tell you, I feel like I have really lived an extremely lucky exciting life.
The past few days I have really been thinking about retirement; not about how prepared I will be in financial terms. I should be thinking about that and I will one day, but no, I am thinking about all the things I plan to do when I teach that final day of school. The day when I have them play, "Smoke on the Water" over the PA. The day when I cut the retirement cake and tell everyone that I'll drop by and visit occasionally. Of course I won't visit cause I'll be too busy.
I have given thought on more than one occasion about what it would be like not to have to get up and go to work everyday. The first thing I would do is sleep late. I'll snuggle under the covers for hours before my feet hit the floor. I'll take plenty of naps...anytime I want.
I have my hand in so many extracurricular activities that sometimes I run myself down just to have moments to write, read, or think even.
There are many many things that I would like to have a blast with such as writing. I want to write several books, lol, not just one ya say? No I have some specific areas in mind. I would like to write a children's book and illustrate it myself. I figure that should take a year. Then I want to finish the two novels that I started some twenty years ago. Not to be published, I don't really care about that. This point is..I want to write them, just for myself. Then there is a few "how-to-do-it" books that I have on the back burner. Not to mention I would have time for journals and such.
The next thing I want to do is make a movie. Oh, I've fooled around with family stuff, weddings, birthdays, holidays, but that is more recording than anything. No, I want to write a script, gather the necessary actors, props, sound, and make a real movie with a cool story. I have a list a mile long of ideas. That should take six months to a year.
I want to knit and knit and knit. All the designs that I have in my head I want to put on paper and bring them to life. I want to see a ball of string and a pencil color sketch rise up, take form, and hang in my closet for just the right occasion.
It has been one of my dreams to design clothes, not just a shirt here or a skirt there, naugh, I want to design a wardrobe in which every item coordinates and works with the others but in the same respect can be changed to a whole new outfit with assessors.
I want to have days too, to just sit and stare at the blue sky and think.
I want to celebrate every season with a huge party sort of "Martha Stewart" style.
I want to take people to tea and host tea parties.
I want to exercise and tone my muscles...if I have any left at all by the time I retire.
I want to paint. I am a watercolor artist. I've sold a bunch of paintings (that's a brag there if case you didn't notice. Hey I've won ribbons and CASH at the fair. Right now all I can do is go decorate the fair booth for the school...but every dog has it's day. I have fantasies of a friend and me sitting in a picturesque location with our watercolors spread about us capturing the electricity of the scenery. In my mind I have painted masterpieces. In reality I haven't had time to paint in so long my watercolors are dried out.
I want to get together with friends and sip exotic drinks on the porch in the late afternoon sun. We'll exchange pictures of the grandchildren and talk about our ailments. I am sooo looking forward to having friends that don't work.
I have often heard people say, "well, if I didn't work, I don't know what I'd do, I'd be so bored." They must not have much of an imagination because my life is so rich and full that I can barely contain my gratitude and keep up.
I don't really feel like I work now, everything I do is fun and I get much enjoyment out of my life. I have a career that I really like, most of the time anyway. The JOB is not really the root of my daydreams. It's time. The time that I spend there cuts into the time that I want to create and sleep. Time that I want to be fulfilling my other dreams.
After one day at work, I admit it, I'm tired, physically and mentally. I feel drained and after taking care of the simple matters of daily life, there is barely time left to fall in the bed and close my eyes before it begins again. I'm really lucky though because I have more time off from work than most people. Sweet summers and holidays keep me going back year after year.
It won't be long thought, until I can say, strike up the band and bake the cake and do everything I have my heart set on doing.
Posted by dreamgoddess00
at 2:21 AM EST
Updated: Tuesday, 11/30/2004 2:29 AM EST